


Every Villain Is Lemons

by makesureyouwashyourhands



Category: Fantastic Four, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dubious Morality, First Meetings, Gen, I kinda wanna do more for this au, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, One Shot, Past Drug Use, Pre-Relationship, Stealing, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesureyouwashyourhands/pseuds/makesureyouwashyourhands
Summary: Johnny Storm aka: the Human Torch: a  super villain and member of the evil Fantastic Four; not that anyone knows that. To the public, the Fantastic Four are nothing more than a group of unusual scientists working for the betterment of mankind. Very few know better. Peter Parker, aka: Spider-Man, knows this very well. He's a villain too, you see, he just doesn't have the money to hide it.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Johnny Storm
Comments: 3
Kudos: 54





	Every Villain Is Lemons

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Drugs, death of family mention, explosions, stealing, lying, denial, delusion

Johnny was glad that the whole "being on fire" thing hid all aspects of his appearance. How else was he gonna break into Oscorp without being revealed? It wasn't like stealth was his forte. He didn't know what exactly this stuff was or why Reed needed it, but he'd never made it his business to ask. Just tell him what it looked like and where to get it, he'd have it soon. Some kind of green juice Little Osborn had been holding out on, the bastard. Shame about the guy's dad though. Last thing he probably needed was the stress of fending off a burglar. Johnny tried not to make too much of a scene. He guessed, in some kind of twisted solidarity with the guy over losing a father. 

Damn, he was _fucked,_ wasn't he?

He was still a man on fire though, so someone would probably notice him eventually. Sue, angel that his sister was, had installed a mask into his Torch costume for the rare occasion be needed to flame off, and even though stealth wasn't his forte, he decided to try it out.

He creeped along the desolate black and green halls of Oscorp, feeling naked and vulnerable without the familiar warmth of fire covering his skin. The vault was #562, so it should've been just around the corner.

Instead, there was a man there.

Johnny nearly screamed, but he held his breath. The man was smaller than him, much smaller, but fit in a weird, acrobatic way. He wore a full-body black suit, with white visors over his eyes. The suit was highlighted with blood red web patterns and a white spider emblem on the back. It took a moment, but Johnny recognized him.

Spider-Man.

A pretty small-time crook, probably just some idiot who got lucky one day with the powers thing. Super agility, super webs, super strength, and wall-climbing abilities according to Reed's research. 

"Hi."

"Hey."

...This was so awkward.

If Ben were here, he would've told Johnny to torch the bastard and get the stuff. But Ben wasn't here, and Johnny didn't feel like making anyone crispy tonight. 

"You're here for the Goblin Serum, aren't you?" Spider-Man asked. Johnny took a step back. It wasn't an aggressive question, just a resigned one.

"Green goo, is Goblin Serum what it's called?" he said, keeping his voice flippant. He had a reputation, after all.

"Yeah, and there's a reason it's in here. It's a nasty drug." -Johnny froze. Reed never mentioned anything about it being a _drug._ No one did- "Think a cross between Super Soldier Serum and heroine. Harry's dad designed it. Thought it would help the world. It didn't. Everyone who took it died... him included. Can't imagine why the noble Fantastic Four would want it."

Johnny reeled. This guy knew! He knew about the Torch's connection to the FF! "How... how did you--"

"It's obvious to anyone who knows where to look. Luckily for you, most people don't, and don't have the resources to even if they did. Not everyone has super hearing," the Spider joked. Johnny just stared at him, slack jawed. "I know the FF's whole MO is releasing science kept for the government and corporations to the public, but this is something that should really be kept away from _people_ in general. It's set to be destroyed tomorrow for a reason." 

Destroyed... the others in the FF _had_ mentioned _that._ Sue said the most despicable thing someone could do was destroy knowledge. Destroy their work so no one else could have it, or someone else's work to discredit them. There was no excuse, not one. Ben called it childish, the science equivalent to a kid breaking a toy so no one else could play with it. But drugs weren't toys. Drugs weren't accomplishments. Drugs weren't secret knowledge. Drugs existed to get people hooked to grab money out of them, and no one had ever survived their addiction to this one.

This was too much...

"I can't let it be destroyed... My family would be furious," he muttered. They wouldn't kick him out. He knew they wouldn't. The loved him. But he couldn't stand disappointing them. Not _really._

In the eyes of the public, he disappointed them all the time. A reckless, foolish young man who often abandoned science and his studies for dates and race cars (which, in his defense, were _much_ cooler than science). He was less of a scientist and more of a PR man, there to get the attention of all the lovely ladies (and stunning men) who otherwise wouldn't be interested. The truth was he wasn't even a scientist, or studying to be one. He was a grunt man _working_ for scientists. You'd think that'd be Ben's job, but Ben was an astronaut before he was a member of the FF. A lot of people liked to forget that. (While Reed had found a way to conceal the man's rocky flesh with holo tech, he still looked rough, _and_ he was huge. The way he spoke didn't help people's perceptions either. It was a shame, Ben was smart. At least Alicia understood that.) In reality though, he did everything he could not to fail them. He'd find a way to bottle the stars if they needed them. He only had them. He didn't have anyone else! He couldn't fail them. He couldn't disappoint them. Not where it actually _mattered._

"What if it died _tonight?_ On accident?" Spider-Man suggested. "You and I fight and it gets caught in the crossfire. It's all destroyed, but you can't be blamed because I'm the one who blew it up!" Johnny thought about that. It wasn't a half-bad plan. They'd still be upset, but they wouldn't blame him, and he'd just work extra hard to bring them the other stuff that they needed. Just not _this_ stuff. 

(He was selecting to ignore the fact that there was no way Reed _didn't_ know exactly what the Goblin Serum was.)

"All right, let's go in," said the Spider. He fiddled around with the digital lock for a while before the door opened. Inside were millions of vials of green stuff. It glowed eerily in the darkness of the vault. The way it glowed was wrong, the way it smelled was wrong, and the silence surrounding it was wrong. Out of curiosity, he picked up a vile and let the serum slosh around in its container. Even the way it moved seemed wrong.

He was sure now. This stuff had to die. 

He gave a warning before firing a fire ball Spider-Man's way. Spider-Man dodged at shot some webs in Johnny's general direction. Looking around, Johnny could see the insect was aiming more for the walls than Johnny himself. He was trying to create a realistic crime scene. 

Johnny could pitch in.

He shot more fireballs, destroying some vials as Spider-Man dodged. Good. Spider-Man landed down by the middle of the vault and placed something there. A bomb.

Johnny didn't try and melt it. He high tailed it out of there faster than the Spider could warn him to run. The explosion shook the halls. Johnny, almost on instinct, circled back and examined the wreckage, looking for any surviving remnants of the liquid. He found nothing. In the distance, he heard the familiar running of soldiers and guards. He ran for it, melting a hole in the wall and flying off into the heart of NYC. He flamed off in an alley and changed into his "disguise clothes" (kept in a special container in his belt). He really needed a burger. 

* * *

Peter honestly hadn't been expecting Johnny Storm to show up. He'd just wanted to blow up the serum and go home. He wasn't being paid for this particular job. Harry (His... almost friend? Half friend? They _used_ to be friends. Circumstances changed that.) didn't trust himself to destroy the stuff in the end. Peter understood. He guessed, even if they didn't talk anymore, he could give Harry one last favor. A friendly parting gift. 

Storm's appearance... complicated things.

Peter knew the Fantastic Four. He knew their true nature. Knew they were just as much of thieves and crooks as he was. He also knew that they meant well, but delusion never ended with everyone happy and healthy. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge never helped anyone. The point of knowledge was to be _applied_. Someone’s dirty history being exposed meant they post support and got punished, the schematics for a weapon being exposed meant someone could build that weapon. That was just the way things worked. Going that far for it, no matter the reasons it was being hidden, was dangerous. He knew they'd be after this little item, but he didn't expect them to show up so _soon._

Luckily, Storm's the dumb one out of them. Or maybe be the smart one? Peter isn't sure. _He's the one most likely to listen._ He'll go with that. 

Storm did agree, eventually. Under the condition that they blame it all on Peter. Peter was okay with that. He was here to blow 'em up any way and he was quite familiar with being blamed for things. At least this time it would still mostly be his fault. Storm chose to fake a fight, which was good because it would look better for the cameras. The Four wouldn't suspect much, if anything. Peter planted the bomb and booked it. Storm high tailed it in the other direction. Peter didn't know if he escaped. In the end, the last of the Goblin Serum was destroyed. That was all that mattered.

Dammit, he should've asked for pay.

He climbed to the top of the building, where the penthouse was. Harry was just sitting there, stating off into the empty home. As a kid, Peter used to love coming over to Harry's house. The big, lavish halls were so new and cool. He modeled his imaginary mansion after them. (For when he became a world-famous inventor, obviously.) Now, the place only filled him with dread. It didn't look like a place where people lived.

"It's all gone."

". . . . . . . Thank you."

Peter nodded and swung away. May would start to worry if he didn't call soon, but first, he _really_ needed some grub. Being a super-thief was hard work!

* * *

Johnny collected his food and left as fast as possible. That burger joint was nasty. There were way too many people in one room for it to be sanitary and the grime covering everything proved that.

Unfortunately, they also made a killer burger. 

He meandered over to a bench and started eating. It was so good. It wasn't fair it came from a place like that!

"You're a _super villain_ and you still wait in line and pay for your food? Lame! You'd think the _Fantastic Four_ could afford to go to a fancier joint, too." Johnny started and looked up. Spider-Man was sitting on a lamp post, munching away at his own burger. He looked around. No one else was around.

"We _aren't_ villains. We're taking back knowledge that greedy people try to keep for themselves and release it to the public," Johnny huffed. 

"Whatever you say man, doesn't explain the cheap burger though," Spider-Man laughed.

"...It's a good burger."

"Well I'll be, someone from the uptown with _taste,"_ Spider-Man gasped. Johnny held on to that tidbit of information. Spider-Man wasn't from uptown. 

"Well _you're_ not much of a villain either, Mister 'Just Say No'," Johnny countered. Spider-Man laughed again.

"First of all, _thief,_ not villain. Secondly: Dude, that was personal. Trust me when I say, I usually expect pay for that kind of work."

"Usually?"

"Like I said, it was _personal."_ Johnny believed him. He'd sounded pretty upset when he was explaining the serum to Johnny.

"Well, I should go," Johnny said abruptly, shoving the rest of his burger in his pocket for later. "The others will have seen the news by now, they'll wanna know where I am and what happened."

"Same, man. I've got a call to make."

They went their separate ways.

Johnny took a cab back, texting ahead to let them know he was alright. Sue yelled at him over the phone for ten minutes about calling them before he had his burger, but Johnny didn't listen to a lot of it. Before he knew it, he was going up the elevator. His stomach began to drop. He was about to lie to them. He was about to blame this whole thing on someone else. He was about to lie to their faces. Yeah, he'd lied before, plenty of times! And _yes,_ it was to their faces, but it wasn't the same. That was about stuff that didn't matter. He didn't crash the car, he didn't sleep with that person; he wasn't _that_ drunk. This would be lying about their _life's work._

The door opened. He smiled.

Immediately, Sue ran over to him, giving him a slight slap to the head before checking him over for any signs of serious injury. She didn't find any. He was fine. Ben was the next to approach him. He ruffled his hair and joked about how Johnny probably sneezed out the explosion they saw on TV. Reed was last. He said he was grateful that Johnny was alright, and then he asked him what happened. What went so wrong?

And Johnny lied.

"It was crazy, man! You know that Spider-Man guy?" They all nodded. "So he's like, 'I'm being paid to steal this go away'. And I'm like 'For who?' right? And he goes 'None of your business.' and unlocks the vault. So I'm like, okay, we can split it. This can work. And then, I hear him talking through an earpiece, right? And he goes 'Attack? Okay.' So I freak out and fire at him. We fight, and then he goes, 'boss says he wants all or nothing' and blows up all the stuff!" Johnny gave all the details rapid-fire, based hastily off of what he remembered from the incident, adding some movie details for flavor.

The other three processed it for a moment. "Did Spider-Man say who hired him?" Sue asked.

"No, it was all pretty secretive. He's a creepy guy," Johnny said, remembering his second encounter with the guy on the bench.

"This isn't good. Someone out there is paying mercenaries to steal and destroy valuable knowledge," Reed muttered. Johnny heard him mumble various names and possibilities. Von Doom? Doctor Octavious? The government? Osborn himself? 

"I say we track down this spider guy and clobber him until he tells us who," Ben grumbled. Johnny gulped. Thief, villain, or whatever the guy considered himself, very few deserved to be on the other end of Ben's famous clobberings. 

"We should definitely see what he knows," Sue agreed, "but we can approach it in a much more careful manner. We're not villains." 

"True," Ben shrugged. "It ain't like he's Doom. That's probably it, though, isn't it? Doom paid him to take it all or kill it all. He's just some local scum who didn't know what he was gettin' into."

"Careful now, it could be more local. Octavious could have a say in it —I've never trusted those robotic monstrosities he calls _arms—_ he's a benefactor of many types of science and could've wanted it to study. Osborn himself could've ordered their recovery due to a scheme of his own— pretend to someone he destroyed the serum before keeping it all to himself," Reed analyzed. 

Johnny shuddered as he listened. Doom was the leader of a country. Octavious was a renowned scientist and inventor who put his investments into helping the disabled. Osborn was grieving the loss of his father. 

_"It's personal,"_ _Spider-Man said. Personal how, I wonder? Spider-Man only ever referred to Osborn by his first name._

"Not villains," he muttered, low enough so no one could hear, "Sure."

* * *

Peter hesitated, then dialed Aunt May's number. He was surprised he still remembered it. He didn't need to anymore. It was on his phone, but May told him she never forgot a phone number, so he didn't forget them either.

She picked up. "Hey May," he muttered.

"Peter! My goodness, I was getting worried!" her voice came back through the phone. It was nice to hear. "So how are things with college? Are your roommates nice? What about Professor Toomes? You said last time that he's a wonderful professor."

 _He's actually the flying superhero Vulture and he hates my alter ego so much he nearly broke his group's anti-kill rule for me. Also, I'm a superpowered thief stealing valuable artifacts, documents, and research for cash, just thought you should know._ "He's doing well. His wife is pregnant again. They think it's gonna be a boy this time."

"Oh! That's wonderful! I must invite him over for dinner! And what about your boss, Mr. Jameson? How is he doing? I hope he isn't pushing you around or I swear I will march right into that office and give him a piece of my mind!" 

_He's so obsessed with catching and reporting on my alter-ego that sometimes it actually makes him physically ill. He's the strictest man I've ever met._ "He's doing okay. Still on that blood pressure medication. He is a strict guy, but I'm being paid pretty well so I don't mind."

"You better be paid well! You're the reason the Bugel always has such striking photographs. If you didn't love science so much I'd recommend you take up a full-time career in photography! You're such a talented boy, Ben would be proud," May chuckled. Peter felt queasy. He wasn't really a noble guy, but the fact that so many of his enemies were so close to his normal life made him feel like a parasite sometimes. 

_It's just until you graduate and get a good job,_ he reminded himself. _You're just doing what it takes to survive and keep your aunt afloat._

Somehow, he didn't think Ben would be proud of him.

It didn't matter. Ben was dead, so it's not like he knew.

"What about you, May? How's treatment going?" 

"The doctor said there haven't been any complications. It should be over within the next year," May said happily. Peter grinned. That was good, it meant more time for studying and relaxing, and May said the treatment was painful sometimes, so getting her off if it soon was good.

"That's great!" It was the first genuine statement he'd made all night. Absently, he wondered how Storm was doing. He was a lucky guy, having all that wealth. Enough to bribe the government into minding their business. Peter wished he had those resources. He'd never need to steal anything else again.

Although he was ashamed to admit, he kinda liked it, and he was getting very good at it.


End file.
